DAY 53

Ups and downs were the choice of the day. Can't have too long of a good streak, now can we???

Goods: Still were able to wean a bit more on the vent.

Bads: Bit of a fever, elevated heart rate, intolerance to G-tube feeds and another source of bleed. The bleed is not large enough to need Factor 7, but enough to need platelets and blood.

Overall, she just didn't look like she felt good today. A lot of old blood came out of her G-tube site after stopping feeds. I think it was between 150-200mls. So, that is enough to make you feel pretty lousy. The fresh blood is coming out of her wound-vac. Her crits dropped from 37 to 28 today...hence the need for blood.

At this point, not tolerating G-tube feeds is frustrating because that means more time on TPN, which is hard on your liver. They don't want to do a J-tube because they fear another perferation could happen in her bowels. I don't know how this will play out and am concerned.

The unit is extremely busy again which adds to my stress levels. Faith only gets one nurse, when you are supposed to have two when you are on Dialysis. Other children are more critical and it is becoming hard to find someone when you need them. I feel like I need to be here 24/7 and I have no sleeper chair in my room since one won't fit. That means I would be awake pretty much all the time. My mind, body and soul will go crazy. Maybe it already is???

So, yes, bummer after my post yesterday. Unfortunately, this is how it has been for all of these 53 days. Guilt is consuming me tonight, as it has multiple other nights, for even having this surgery done. I think I am just tired.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better, more positive day. I've got to maintain good thoughts...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..........