June 5, 2009

Just wanted everyone to know that we are tentatively aiming for the weekend of June 27th or 28th for Faith's service. I am waiting for the Pastor that I respect to give me times that he is available that weekend and then I will post confirmation. I will ask for RSVP's to be able to somewhat prepare for how many will be in attendance.

As for this week....let me tell you that it has been extremely difficult. However, I have learned with the passing of my mother not even a year ago, that we are still in a stage of denial and have yet to feel the full devastation of Faiths passing. We are walking around in a fog and don't really know what to do with ourselves.

The night Faith passed away, Monty and I felt like we wanted to stay down in Sacramento because we were not sure we could come home and see all the reminders of our baby girl. However, after 15 minutes of being somewhere other than home, we knew it was not the right thing. In fact, I was about to have a full blown panick attack. So, we packed our stuff up and came home to see our other children. Let me tell you...this was the best decision we could have made. Our other kids are so strong and have so much insite into the world that THEY are helping US with our grief! They are amazing and I am very lucky to have them in our lives. They are what will help us move forward from this terrible loss!

Our home is not the same, nor will it ever be. Now, we have to accept the differences as hard as that may be. Our life has been almost entirely centered around Faith and her well-being and now we have to shift our thinking into making the other children the ultimate center. They have earned it 100%, but it is hard to completely do so when you are grieving the loss of someone so special. Grieving the loss of someone who made us all feel unique and could turn a bad day into a great one with a smile or the shouting out of our name as we walked through the door. We have learned so much from her and her ability to perservere under any circumstance. We are more united as a family because of Faith.

I have been working on a memorial card/keepsake for her and I just can't find the right thing that sums up who she was. How do you explain someone that had so many setbacks yet still had the power to love unconditionally? How do you explain the power of a small little person that was able to teach us life's big lessons.......how to love, how to care, how to laugh, how to perservere through adversity, and how to never give up????? Faith taught us so many of life's lessons, big and small, that we will carry with us forever. Monty and I are better human beings because of her. My kids are more compassionate, understanding and accepting individuals because of her.
Those are things you cannot teach through words but must be learned through life's lessons.

What I pray for the most is that my other children become better human beings because of having Faith in our lives. I think this will make it worthwhile. I want to see my kids live by the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. I think we all get that now. Because, it doesn't matter how big or small your contribution to society is....it all means something. I am pretty sure the other kids get it, lets just see if they prove it when all of lifes trials and tribulations are thrown at them.

Faith was a child that no one else wanted. They called us in desperation and eventhough the ending wasn't what we hoped for...we still do not regret our decision. It was meant to be and I believe someday it will be fully shown to us what it was all for. Until then....I will wait for my beautiful child to be shown to me at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. I am no longer afraid of death and embrace the day it comes. Until then, I have realized the importance of making a difference in even ONE person's life. It DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Live life by the Golden Rule and never think that anything you say or do doesn't impact someone. You never know....

Until I unite with Faith again, this will be her legacy for me. I will live my life in her honor. I will live my life showing her strength, courage and the ability to love and have hope through all obstacles. Until then....she is my strength.

I will let you all know when the service is set for. Love to all and remember that it is not the length of a life but the depth of a life.

Shelly Duarte. Mother of a new, bright angel of God: Faith Renee Duarte. 1/17/04-6/1/09.
Forever our Motto will be to "Keep Faith". (without it all hope is lost.)