Almost here

I cannot believe Faith's service is almost here. I can't believe I have gone this many weeks without my baby. The emotions you go through are indescribable. The only way I can somewhat describe it is.....that I feel like I am living in someone else's body right now. I am going through the motions because I know I have to. My days I fill with talking to my kids, watching a movie with them, going on a walk, cleaning and planting outside. Nights are HORRIBLE. That is the time when I am all alone with my emotions and they flood me. I ended up going to the doctor to get some help. It is strange, but I actually sleep until 8 or 9 am. Something I have never done before (unfortunally induced by medication because I wasn't sleeping AT ALL prior to getting my "help"). Sounds like it would be nice to sleep in that late right? But, #1 it is due to medication, which I hate to admit I needed and #2 I would so much rather be woken up at 6am to Faith yelling "mommy...mommy...I up". My house has a completely different vibe to it without that little personality filling up the room with her energy. That is the main thing I am going to have to get used to. I can see why some people want to move after a child's death because there are so many memories everywhere you turn. But, that is not what I want to do. I love those memories as painful as they can be at times.

Father's Day was hard for Monty, although he never said a word. He has kept himself very busy fixing things around the house. We added a slider door, so he has had that project to help him out. However, he got the best present he could have ever had: Faith visited him in his dream. Faith was walking in it! For those of you that didn't know Faith, Faith couldn't walk. She scooted around on her butt. So she came walking up to him and put her hand in his and asked if they could drive a yellow school bus. Faith loved going to school on her yellow bus! So they got in the bus and he let her drive. They drove all around and Faith backed the school bus into a ditch, but they were able to get it out. Then, they drove the bus to our house. Apparently when Faith got here, she immediately resorted back to scooting. She scooted from our front door into our living room and then he couldn't find her anymore. But he got to be with her for Father's day, even if only in a dream. What a gift.....the best one anyone could ask for!!!!!!!

Hope everyone else had a nice weekend. I will have a lot to keep me busy this week, which is a good thing. I need that! I will see a lot of you in just a few short days. Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! Hope I get it all done!!!

Shelly