Faith's service

Faith's celebration of life met all my expectations. Jeff and Laurie Jennings, the Pastor and his wife, did a beautiful job of conducting the service and helping us make everything go smoothly. I am so grateful! They are special people and I hope to continue a friendship with them from this day on. Thank you for helping to make such a sad day, more about the love, friendship, strength and love....how we all make a difference no matter how long or short we are here on earth....it was exactly what I wanted to get across. It was no accident our paths crossed.

Other people I want to give special thanks to are:

Jeff and Laurie Jennings: As mentioned above, thanks for helping meet all my expectations for celebrating the life of my unique and unforgettable daughter.
Jeff and Nancy Baggett: They made the DVD, helped set up and just offered general support. Nancy is my best friend and I couldn't ask for a better one.
Mike and Desiree: Thank you for the beautiful tribute posters of Faith. I will cherish them forever! And, thank you for introducing us to Jeff and Laurie. What a blessing. We have a special connection with you two that I hope to continue.
Miranda: You have an amazing voice and I am so appreciative of you singing "Borrowed Angels"
Trina: Thank you for speaking, your support and the awesome brownies!!!!! Your support and knowledge and comforting ways make you someone I will love forever.
Lindsay: Your speech was lovely, you knew Faith so well and I am grateful you were in her life.
My aunt: Thank you for helping me get the house ready and dealing with my stress. Also, for making us laugh so hard after the funeral that it took my mind completely off the sadness. You are my "weirdo" and I Love you.
Gemma: Thank you, thank you for adding my special yellow butterfly. My mural now represents my two beautiful angels....one a black butterfly, the other yellow.
Linda Gordon: Thank you for helping with the yard and for loving Faith and coming back into our lives.
Pam: Thank you for taking care of Karen so I could concentrate on Faith's celebration. Thank you, also, for being so wonderful to Faith....reading her stories, singing with her, picking flowers, etc...she loved you dearly. We are lucky to have you.
Andrea: Thank you for doing the raffle, starting the meals while we were in the hospital and for your general support and kindness. You are very special.
Turning Leaf Photography: The bookmarks were beautiful as were all our family pictures. Please use Michele, the owner, for your photography needs!!!
Kim F., Stephanie, Tom and Linda, Melissa, Glenda and many others....thank you for bringing food to help us out. There was plenty and it was all yummy.

To EVERYONE that came, I am SO grateful for your presense and support!!!!!!!! Thank you to everyone that brought food, cards, made donations and especially spoke on Faith's behalf. I know it was a long trip for many of you and I am very grateful you still made it. Everyone there I think fondly of and it warms my heart that you were there to honor my special angel. I really think Faith would have loved the day.

Celia, Barb, Dr. Vlautin - thank you for taking the time out of your busy lives to pay tribute to Faith. I can't even express how much it means that you guys were here.

Celia, I have known you from the beginning of Faith's life and you have been there for us in so many ways. All the UCD staff knows how great you are, but it never hurts to hear it again. You have definitely found your calling in life and are such a great support for the heart families. I will never forget you and will miss seeing you.

Barb, you are now right there with Celia. I knew you in the PICU when you cared for Faith and now you are doing a fantastic job with the heart families as well. You were a huge support for us those two months while we were in the ICU and I thank you.

Dr. Vlautin...what can I say? You worked tirelessly on Faith and you never gave up on her in those first few weeks. We were not ready to lose Faith and you gave us two more months with her. Two more months we desperately needed to allow us to eventually let go. You, too, are one of those special people that have found their calling in life. You were a true blessing to us. Thank you. (and for you to show up at her service....it just means more than I can express)

Kathy, thank you for your lovely prescence and for giving Faith joy with your special voice everytime she was in the hospital. You are a unique individual and our family will always remember you and how much Faith enjoyed music time with you.

I want to thank other medical professionals that were not there:

Dr. Loomis and Sutter Pediatrics. They were always accomodating to us and Faith loved going to their office. Dr. Loomis was not only Faith's primary care doctor, but is a warm hearted man and felt like a friend.
Dr. Choy and the entire cardiac specialty staff. Dr. Choy, you know how special you are to me, and just like with Dr. Vlautin, you were a critical part of why we got to enjoy Faith longer than originally expected. I think extremely highly of you and will miss seeing you.
Dr. Raff . What can I say, except you are just an amazing doctor. You have energy like no one I have ever seen, are smarter than anyone else I know and you are just incredible. I always appreciated your honesty and I thank you for doing such a great job on her heart that she was able to keep going a little longer for us. UCD is fortunate to have you.
Linda Tennyson. You tried so hard to deal with all of Faith's issues as challenging as they were. Thank you for being so great to us, always returning phone calls and for coming to say hello while we were there. It meant a lot.
Pediatric GI Surgery Team. I know that you didn't really want to "explore" on Faith. But, I appreciate the fact that you did and appreciate the hard work you put into trying to keep Faith here.
Nurses and Staff on the Pediatric floor . The Pediatric floor has a whole different energy and there are a lot of special fun nurses, child life specialists, MUSIC THERAPIST, etc. Faith always enjoyed her time with you!!!
ALL PICU doctors and nurses. You are all amazing and work so hard! You helped us through a very difficult time and did it with compassion, respect and love. The PICU team is a group of dedicated professionals that do an extremely tough job. However, they have the best of the best!

So, now, for me...so I can remember what my tribute was to my special little Faithy...I am going to write the speech I said. Ten years from now I would like to remember. (A funeral is like a wedding. You hardly remember what happened, what was said, and you wish at the end you had more time to speak to certain people. I guess when something is so emotional and overwhelming that is bound to happen.)

So here is my Tribute to my Faith:

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense:
Why was a child given to another couple when this woman already had two other children? Why would she not want to keep her third? Well, maybe it was to allow this child (me) to have a positive adoptive experience to allow me to want to do the same for another...

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense:
Why did I decide to work at a care home for medically fragile children when I thought my calling was to be a teacher? Maybe to meet a child that needed a permanent home that I would fall in love with (Andrew) and lead me to a place where I would become a foster parent and allow other children to enter my home...

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense:
Why did Placer County keep calling us to take Faith when we were not looking to adopt another child? Why was my husband so open to taking this child when she had so many complications and he was set against having anymore permanent children?
Because this child was meant to be ours...

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense:
Why did God give me this child that not only had so many medical challenges but for almost 2 years did nothing but cry. I rarely slept, I lost 20 pounds, and was always at the hospital or doctors office.
I will admit, I am not the most patient of people. I have Portuguese in me. But, for some reason with Faith, I had all the patience in the world...

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense:
Whey did this child who was unhappy most of the time all of a sudden become the child that loved medical appointments? I mean, at one point, she was the child no one wanted to get close to -they stayed back and gave Faith her "Faith bubble" of space. But, it was like a flip was switched one day and she all of a sudden wanted to go to the hospital. She loved to go see Dr. Loomis and Dr. Choy! She couldn't wait to get in the car and would bug me until it was time to go.
I think it was a lesson for us at how you can turn a negative into a positive. She showed us how it is all in your attitude...

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense:
Why did my mom get lung cancer and leave us so quickly eventhough she didn't want to go? Why was her death so tragic?
I think it was #1 for her to get used to her place in Heaven to be ready to receive Faith and #2 it was for me to understand how important it is to have a peaceful death...

Sometimes life doesn't make any sense:
Why did Faith's heart surgery go so well, but everything else went so wrong?

This is something I don't have the answer to. I do know that events leading up to our final moments with Faith prepared us to allow Faith to have the peaceful death that Faith deserved. *(a special thank you to Cathy for that too :)- love to you)*

I am hoping, in time, that all this will too....make sense.

In the meantime, our family will forever cherish the happy moments Faith gave us. The unconditional love, strength and courage she showed. We are forever changed by Faith.

So, sometimes....no....life doesn't make any sense. But, all of a sudden, at some point, it might. Probably when you least expect it. That is what started the slogan of the two months Faith was fighting for her life of: "Keep Faith". Because you never know why some things happen or why you are given the challenges you are faced with. You just have to keep faith it will make sense one day.

But, for now, our family is putting one foot in front of the other and trying to learn to live without our precious Faith. However, we are a stronger family because of her and we will forever grateful for our "Borrowed Angel".

Shelly Duarte

And, now, this blog, will turn into about how the Duarte family continues to move on. It will focus on the other children that deserve just as much recognition. I have loved "meeting" you all through this incredible blogging world and hope to continue hearing from you. Still continue to "Keep Faith" through all of life's journeys and thank you for following and caring about our family.

Almost here

I cannot believe Faith's service is almost here. I can't believe I have gone this many weeks without my baby. The emotions you go through are indescribable. The only way I can somewhat describe it is.....that I feel like I am living in someone else's body right now. I am going through the motions because I know I have to. My days I fill with talking to my kids, watching a movie with them, going on a walk, cleaning and planting outside. Nights are HORRIBLE. That is the time when I am all alone with my emotions and they flood me. I ended up going to the doctor to get some help. It is strange, but I actually sleep until 8 or 9 am. Something I have never done before (unfortunally induced by medication because I wasn't sleeping AT ALL prior to getting my "help"). Sounds like it would be nice to sleep in that late right? But, #1 it is due to medication, which I hate to admit I needed and #2 I would so much rather be woken up at 6am to Faith yelling "mommy...mommy...I up". My house has a completely different vibe to it without that little personality filling up the room with her energy. That is the main thing I am going to have to get used to. I can see why some people want to move after a child's death because there are so many memories everywhere you turn. But, that is not what I want to do. I love those memories as painful as they can be at times.

Father's Day was hard for Monty, although he never said a word. He has kept himself very busy fixing things around the house. We added a slider door, so he has had that project to help him out. However, he got the best present he could have ever had: Faith visited him in his dream. Faith was walking in it! For those of you that didn't know Faith, Faith couldn't walk. She scooted around on her butt. So she came walking up to him and put her hand in his and asked if they could drive a yellow school bus. Faith loved going to school on her yellow bus! So they got in the bus and he let her drive. They drove all around and Faith backed the school bus into a ditch, but they were able to get it out. Then, they drove the bus to our house. Apparently when Faith got here, she immediately resorted back to scooting. She scooted from our front door into our living room and then he couldn't find her anymore. But he got to be with her for Father's day, even if only in a dream. What a gift.....the best one anyone could ask for!!!!!!!

Hope everyone else had a nice weekend. I will have a lot to keep me busy this week, which is a good thing. I need that! I will see a lot of you in just a few short days. Aaaahhhhhhhhhh!!! Hope I get it all done!!!

Shelly

Date and Time confirmed.

Services are confirmed for June 27th, 2009 at 11:00am. See right hand side for directions.

Have a date

A date is confirmed for Faith's service. It will be on Saturday, June 27th. The time, however, is not confirmed yet but will either be at 11am or 1pm. Hope that helps allow people to coordinate their weekend somewhat.

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I cried pretty much the entire day. My eyes were so puffy they could barely open. My heart felt like it was going to burst out of my chest....it wanted to burst out and find my Faithy. My poor kids were so worried and Andrew, the youngest now, wrote a letter to Faith telling her how much mommy was crying. As much as you want to protect your children, in times like this it is impossible to suppress your feelings. And I guess it is not that bad of a thing for your kids to know you are human...you can feel sad, angry, glad, happy, etc. Life has its ups and downs. No one is immune to them and no one is perfect, definitely not me.

I think it was such a horrible day because I was in anticipation of today. Today I picked up Faith. And you know...I haven't cried (yet)...meaning I haven't cried TODAY...I've definitely cried away too many other days. But, it made me feel good to bring her home. Bring her back to the people that love her and the people and home that she loved so much. I picked her up with my kids and they all took turns holding her while we went on errands. We kept saying that Faithy was getting to do her favorite thing "go bye, bye in the car". We smiled, we laughed about funny things she said and did. It was good and maybe this will be a little start to our healing.

*by the way, if anyone needs a funeral home: We used Chapel of the Hills and they were WONDERFUL to us. No pressure, cost seemed reasonable and the presentation of getting Faith's remains was beautiful. They had her on a pedestal in the chapel with candles glowing and a red rose over her urn. I don't think it could have been handled better.

June 8th, 2009

Just wanted everyone to know that I still don't have a date or time confirmed for Faith's service. I promise to post as soon as it is set.

In the meantime, our family is trying to put one foot in front of the other...taking things day to day. Still haven't felt like seeing anyone, but I will get there eventually. Kids seem to be handling things well and I am always so proud of them.

Thank you for all the love I feel come pouring out of the entries you write to us. I can't even express how much it means.

Shelly

June 5, 2009

Just wanted everyone to know that we are tentatively aiming for the weekend of June 27th or 28th for Faith's service. I am waiting for the Pastor that I respect to give me times that he is available that weekend and then I will post confirmation. I will ask for RSVP's to be able to somewhat prepare for how many will be in attendance.

As for this week....let me tell you that it has been extremely difficult. However, I have learned with the passing of my mother not even a year ago, that we are still in a stage of denial and have yet to feel the full devastation of Faiths passing. We are walking around in a fog and don't really know what to do with ourselves.

The night Faith passed away, Monty and I felt like we wanted to stay down in Sacramento because we were not sure we could come home and see all the reminders of our baby girl. However, after 15 minutes of being somewhere other than home, we knew it was not the right thing. In fact, I was about to have a full blown panick attack. So, we packed our stuff up and came home to see our other children. Let me tell you...this was the best decision we could have made. Our other kids are so strong and have so much insite into the world that THEY are helping US with our grief! They are amazing and I am very lucky to have them in our lives. They are what will help us move forward from this terrible loss!

Our home is not the same, nor will it ever be. Now, we have to accept the differences as hard as that may be. Our life has been almost entirely centered around Faith and her well-being and now we have to shift our thinking into making the other children the ultimate center. They have earned it 100%, but it is hard to completely do so when you are grieving the loss of someone so special. Grieving the loss of someone who made us all feel unique and could turn a bad day into a great one with a smile or the shouting out of our name as we walked through the door. We have learned so much from her and her ability to perservere under any circumstance. We are more united as a family because of Faith.

I have been working on a memorial card/keepsake for her and I just can't find the right thing that sums up who she was. How do you explain someone that had so many setbacks yet still had the power to love unconditionally? How do you explain the power of a small little person that was able to teach us life's big lessons.......how to love, how to care, how to laugh, how to perservere through adversity, and how to never give up????? Faith taught us so many of life's lessons, big and small, that we will carry with us forever. Monty and I are better human beings because of her. My kids are more compassionate, understanding and accepting individuals because of her.
Those are things you cannot teach through words but must be learned through life's lessons.

What I pray for the most is that my other children become better human beings because of having Faith in our lives. I think this will make it worthwhile. I want to see my kids live by the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have done unto you. I think we all get that now. Because, it doesn't matter how big or small your contribution to society is....it all means something. I am pretty sure the other kids get it, lets just see if they prove it when all of lifes trials and tribulations are thrown at them.

Faith was a child that no one else wanted. They called us in desperation and eventhough the ending wasn't what we hoped for...we still do not regret our decision. It was meant to be and I believe someday it will be fully shown to us what it was all for. Until then....I will wait for my beautiful child to be shown to me at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. I am no longer afraid of death and embrace the day it comes. Until then, I have realized the importance of making a difference in even ONE person's life. It DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

Live life by the Golden Rule and never think that anything you say or do doesn't impact someone. You never know....

Until I unite with Faith again, this will be her legacy for me. I will live my life in her honor. I will live my life showing her strength, courage and the ability to love and have hope through all obstacles. Until then....she is my strength.

I will let you all know when the service is set for. Love to all and remember that it is not the length of a life but the depth of a life.

Shelly Duarte. Mother of a new, bright angel of God: Faith Renee Duarte. 1/17/04-6/1/09.
Forever our Motto will be to "Keep Faith". (without it all hope is lost.)

Final Goodbye

Faith Renee Duarte passed away peacefully in mommy's arms at 1:30pm. It was our priveledge to be Faith's parents and I do not regret any second, good or bad, spent with her. She was a miracle of a child and had the strength of a million. I doubt I will ever see another like her...she was far too special.

Faith had the ability to make you feel like you were the most amazing person in the world. She loved her family, friends and life in general to the fullest. As her daddy said, she was a magnetic personality. Those that knew her couldn't get enough. And even during this incredibly hard journey, she was still able to touch the hearts of many, even many who did not even know her. She showed true courage and the ability to fight for what she loved. Fight to stay with the family that loved her so dearly.

I don't know what life without Faith will be like. She was the center of our world and it will never be the same. But, I am proud that we were picked to be her family for 5 amazing years.

Faith will now be able to sing, dance, run and play and have no more "owies" or hospital stays. I am sure her grandmother will read her lots of storybooks and pick lots of flowers with her. She will be free.

We love you Faith. You touched our lives in all the best ways. No regrets. Nothing but neverending love for you, my precious baby girl.

Can't wait for the day I see you again Faithy. Love you forever.