Doing ok

Its getting close to your birthday but I am doing ok.  I am trying to find something positive in each and every day and it is really helping me out.

 It is so easy to get swallowed up in grief and misery.  It is so easy to want to pull the covers over your head and shut out the world.  It is MUCH harder to do the WORK and get yourself out of that mindset.  And, YES, it feels like work.  It is hard!  Part of me wants to stay there because it keeps me connected to you, so to speak, as strange as that may sound.  But, I know it is not healthy for me or for the rest of my family.  Nor is it how I want to live my life and I am sure it is not how you want me to live it.

So, I vowed to start looking at things in a more positive manner and really start finding things I am grateful for and I am finding that I am a lot happier even as your birthday approaches.  I realize that you sent Melina to me so I watch her now in a new light.  I am so blessed to have her.  She has a LOT of energy and sometimes it drives me crazy, but I wouldn't trade it for anything!  She is one of a kind and her happiness is contagious.  When she runs around and dances to songs I think of you because I know you would have loved to have been able to do those things if your legs would have cooperated.  I am sure in Heaven you can.  :)

My mindset is even different about wanting new furniture.  I have been so unhappy with my living room.  And...with my new attitude, I don't care!  It is not important.  I have furniture to sit on with my family so that is good enough!  Melina is too young and would ruin new furniture anyway, so it can wait.  I realize wanting new furniture was just part of me being unhappy on the inside and thinking I needed to change my environment would help.  But it won't.  Its all about me being happy on the inside that is the priority.  Spending money on furniture would take away from money that could be spent on doing things with my family and I definitely do NOT want to do that.

 Dominic will be a junior in high school this next school year.  That is really freaking me out!!!!!  The clock is ticking with him before he will be out of the house and I can't stand it.  I love that kid sooooooo much.  He is such a special soul.  Such a unique, kind, compassionate individual.  It is rare to find people like him let alone in a male.  I love spending time with him and need to try to get in as much as I can over the next few years.

Jessica too.  She is in high school.  A freshman.  She is incredibly busy with her competitive cheer.  Next season we will have to make some changes with that because she needs more time at home.  I love that she is so athletic but there has to be a balance.  We hardly see her.  She is gone 5-6 nights a week.  Time goes by too fast and as we all know, things can change in an instant so I need time more time with my little "mini me".  lol

So, my Faith, mom is doing pretty well.  I feel like I am getting rid of the dark cloud that was over me.  Kinda ironic because while I was writing this the song Shadow of the Day was playing and it states that   "....and the shadow of the day will embrace the world in gray and the sun will set for you..."  Also says "....sometimes solutions aren't so simple...".  That pretty much sums it up.

Love you baby girl.  The sun does set for you.

Mom.