Hawaii

We had a fabulous time in Hawaii!!!! We went whale watching, went on a submarine, attended a luau and, of course, spent lots of time swimming. The weather was a perfect temp. of 80....how do you beat that? We really did not want to come home!

It was hard holding it together on the plane ride home because home is reality and who wants that???? Home is a reminder of what isn't here and I didn't want to come back to that. However, as hard as it is...I know I can't deny reality and have to face it.

This week has been a big week for me. I have been shown that I have made progress even though it doesn't feel like it. Here is how:

A couple of months ago I was asked by a friend of mine if I would be interested in taking a two year old little girl that might go up for adoption. The child's circumstances made it so that she would need to move homes in Jan. or Feb, which was perfect for me because it would be after my trip to Hawaii. So, this friend of mine was going to call me once the social worker knew when they were going to move the child. Anyway, what ended up happening was this friend decided to take the little girl into her home instead. I know that sounds messed up to some.....it is what it is.....but the thing that I am happy to report is that I am actually sad that it didn't work out! I know it sounds crazy to say that you are happy to be sad, but it is major progress for me!!!

Up until this week, I didn't care about having any other children in my home. I had no interest. I had been asked about other children and I had no desire to take them in. I have been simply existing in this fog like world and have not felt like opening my heart or my home. The situation with me not getting this little girl...me being disappointed that it didn't work out...shows me that I am ready again. That is huge progress! I actually might be ready to open myself up again! I feel ready to give someone a good home and the love they deserve. I might not have realized that without this situation occuring.

I have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I guess I was not meant to be this girl's mommy and the right kiddo will be brought to me eventually. If I look back on the choices I made prior to getting Faith, it just solidifies that those choices happened for a reason. Those choices happened to allow me to take Faith into my home. It was absolutely meant to be. We were meant to be together. And even with this awful pain I live with, I would do it all over again. I am glad those choices occured so that I could have Faith. 100%.

So, now knowing I am ready to open my heart and home I will patiently wait for fate to do its work. I had forgotten how much I LOVE to give kids a home. I had forgotten how much I LOVE to take care of them. I am happy this love has returned to me. Progress!!!!! :)