I would like to clear something up: dwelling on past events and grieving are two separate things. Yes, you should not dwell on past events in your life that do not allow you to productively move forward. However, losing a loved one and wanting them to be remembered is not dwelling on a past event. I believe any grief counselor would back me up on the fact that it is good to talk about our loved ones that have passed on. It is good to laugh, cry, be angry....You need to allow yourself those feelings in order to heal. Stuffing them away (not dwelling on them) would be the most harmful thing you could do. It is natural to have a gromet of emotions and healthy to share them.
For me to share my feelings, even ones of feeling alone, is only expression. Anyone that knows me well, would say that I am not one for self-pity. In no way am I asking for that with this blog. There are many stages of grief...all that one needs to go through during their journey of losing a loved one. To me, this blog is an amazing way to express myself and the feelings I have experienced along the way. Right or wrong, they are my feelings. Right or wrong, I feel it is valuable to share them as a tool to for others to learn what those of us that have lost a child go through.
I want to say how nice it was to receive that beautiful post from Pam. And, what strange timing it was!!! In my last post, I stated how I did not think I wanted to continue with foster care because of the extra attention my children were receiving without doing it. Strangely, since that post, my kids have been asking me when we are going to get a new child. I am shocked! However, they have grown up with this lifestyle so they don't know any other way. I mentioned working with a four year old girl the other day and Dominic and Jessica got very excited thinking the four year old was coming to live with us! I talked to them and they really want a young child back in the house again. Hmmmmmmm..................................
We had a really nice weekend. Hot, but nice. All four of our football teams won their games!!! My cheerleaders did really well for their first game and I am so proud of them. Monty and I got to enjoy adult time Saturday night, as well. We went to a tailgate party with friends where we had a few drinks and enjoyed some dancing. We have not done anything like that in awhile and it was fun.
Jessica got to have her birthday party with friends at SkyHigh on Sunday, which is a fantastic place for kids to go. We had never been before, but I will say it was worth the money! The kids had a blast and got a lot of energy out so we could enjoy a quiet, leisurely Sunday evening.
Till next time.............
Shelly
People ignorant of grief and loss will say the silliest (kindest way to put it) of things. We collect them and add them to a journal. Our best comment was "I know that you had a fourth son, but please don't mention him around my child... If she asks where he is just say he is visiting relatives right now..." Got to love people!
ReplyDeleteAs for your children needing you and your attention (I think that is what you were saying) Our children they too just wanted the little one to love on. I always felt it was their way to heal as well. We could not give that, so we got them a dog.... I know not the best replacement but it was all we could do... So they put all their love and grief for their little brother into this little puppy.
I am so sorry people say these things. One day they will learn the hard way what they have said and how foolish it was. They will learn by walking this road and it will not be pleasant! That is how I shake off all those crazy words.
Think about Faith daily and your family.
Terri and crew
Out of curiousity I read the post that upset you and I guess I don't read it in the same tone. Regardless of that, it makes us all feel sorry and bad that it did upset you, you don't need that. Those of us who have walked this road wouldn't wish the same for even our worse enemy.
ReplyDeleteWe all feel we have gotten to know you and Faith by sharing your experience through your blog. It's unfortunate that what I feel was intended to be supportive came out in a way that offended and upset you. I'm believe in the good in people and not everyone has your gift to express themselves. By doing the blog you do open yourself up to so many and we thank you for that. We still follow your blog, we want to know how you and your family are doing. It's unfortunate that this person is being called names and wished misfortune now.
ReplyDeleteMisfortune is not wished on anyone and I apologize that this all happened!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteI was offended by the tone in it feeling like this person just wanted me to move on and stop dwelling in the past. That is the purpose of me explaining the difference between dwelling on the past and grieving on this post. It is very hard to think your child is forgotten. When people don't ever bring her up, that is where your mind goes. I see what the person was saying in not wanting to bring it up to try to allow us to move forward. Unfortunately, I think what it does, however...is hold us back because we DO assume she has been forgotten.
I do feel alone a lot, too, regardless if that is reality or not. Primarily because people can't understand. Many try to compare with the loss of an adult...and it is NOT the same.
It was said I keep saying I feel alone, I looked back and only found that I said it on the one post. That made me feel better. Again, I must have taken it out of context thinking that person was saying I was asking for self-pity. I really don't want people to feel like I am asking for that. This is only a way to share the ups and downs of daily living without an important member present in your household.
I believe most people mean well, also. It is my fault I took a few things the wrong way and I should have kept my mouth shut. I believe I am in the anger stage of grief right now and just reacted, which was the wrong thing to do. I sincerely apologize to whoever that person was and ask that nothing more be said about it.
Reading it over, the majority of the post was positive....so lets leave it at that. The last sentence was beautiful and that should have been the focus!
Again, apologies are in order and I do appreciate anyone that posts and includes Faith and our family in their thoughts and prayers.
Shelly
Oh Shelly, the last thing you need is this type of drama.
ReplyDeleteYou feel what you feel, that is your truth. In grief, we don't always chose our words carefully. A drowning person cannot be expected to hold up the people around them, and you are still drowning in grief.
You and your family are on my mind today.
No one knows what you're going thru except for ones that have gone thru the same.
ReplyDeleteFaith will NEVER be forgotten....ever! She lives on in you, Monty and the kids.
Love to you and your family!