Mothers Day, 2011

Dear Mom,

I missed you today. How I wish I could have spent the day with you. I miss our talks, I miss your laugh, I miss your touch.

I was so lucky to be your daughter. I could not have hand picked a better mom and I am so grateful for the life and the love you gave me.

I hope you can feel my love today. I hope you know how very much I love you.

Happy Heavenly Mothers day.

Forever your daughter,

Shelly

Dear Faith,

I missed you so much today. Your presence is missed every day, but days like today...make your absence felt even stronger.

I hope you, too, can feel my love. I hope you know how much I loved being your mommy.

I miss you. I will miss you always.

I love you my baby girl. Mommy loves you.

Feb. 26, 2011

Dear Faith,

We have lots of snow at our house! Definitely enough to make snowmen and sled down the hill! We have been out of power but it came back on this morning. So glad it did because it was FREEZING!! I couldn't help but think how you would have reacted to all of this. Without power, you would not have been able to have your air purifier plugged in that created the white noise you loved to sleep to. I think you would have had to snuggle in bed with mom and dad. :) We actually had to do that with Melina because we were concerned with her getting too cold.

Speaking of Melina, she is doing wonderful. She will be 11 months old on Monday. She is getting so big and making some small attempts at crawling. She is starting to throw little fits and has a definite personality. I am beginning to think we may have our hands full with her!!!

We have our first Lacrosse game today for Dominic. I can't wait to see how his team will do. They have quite a bit of athletic talent on their team, however it is a small team....so we shall see. Lacrosse is my favorite sport to watch so I am excited! Tomorrow they have a double header in Redding. Do you remember when we went to Redding two years ago? I sure do. It was SO hot and I was very concerned about you. We went and sat in the back of our van to shade you from the sun. I remember having my feelings hurt because none of my friends kept us company. But now, looking back on it, I am grateful it was time for just you and I. You took a nap in the back and I just loved watching you sleep so peacefully. I sure wish we could go again together....

I took Dominic and Jessica to Disneyland a couple weeks ago. Again, a place that kept me constantly thinking of you. The three of us had a really good time. We got to go for 3 days and it was nice to spend quality time with Dom and Jess. The lines were short and we got to go on every ride we wanted. The longest line we stood in was to take a picture with Tinkerbell for Jocyleen. When we got up to Tink...she didn't even look like her! We waited 45 minutes for that!! But, it is a good picture that will give us memories to laugh at for years to come.

Grandma (mima) had a birthday yesterday. I didn't get to celebrate it how I wanted to since we were snowed in. However, I had candles lit and had a glass of wine in her honor. I hope you got to share her special day with her.

I miss you so much Faith. Whoever said that time heals....didn't know what they were talking about. It doesn't heal. It just provides you with the time to get a band-aid to cover up that wound....but the wound is still there. I think about you constantly and the realization that you are not physically with us is stronger now. I miss your laugh, your enthusiasm, your love.... I hope you are happy wherever you are and I hope you can feel all the love we continue to have for you.

Love,

Mom

7 years old

Happy Birthday Faith. Hope the heavens are throwing you a beautiful party! We love and miss you so very much. Wish we could be with you.

What a Grieving Mother Really Thinks...poem

Hello old friend,

Oh yes you know

I lost my child a while ago.

No, no please...don't look away

and change the subject

it's ok.

You see at first I couldn't feel

It took so long...but now it's real.

I hurt so much inside you see

I need to talk

Come sit with me?

You see,

I was numb for so very long

And people said,

"My she is so strong"

They did not know I couldn't feel

My broken heart made it all unreal.

but then one day, as I awoke

I clutched my chest,

Began to choke,

Such a scream,

Such a wail,

Broke from me....

My child!

My child!

The horror of reality.

But everyone has moved on, you see,

except for me.

Now when I need friends most of all,

Between us there now stands a wall.

My pain is more than they can bare,

When I mention my child

I see their blank stare.

"But I thought you were over it"

Their eyes seem to say -

No, no

I cannot listen to this, not today

So I smile and pretend...and say...

"Oh, I'm ok"

But inside I am crying

as I turn away.

And so my old friend,

I shall paint on that smile

As I have from the start.

You never knowing all the while

All I've said to you in my heart.

Author unknown