The craziness has begun! Football and Cheerleading season started this week. We are down on the field everyday from 4pm until 8pm. Andrew is on the Pee Wee football team and Dominic and Jessica are both Midgets this year. It will make the rest of the summer fly by! I am the Cheer Coordinator and Monty is in charge of the snack bar. With 7 children at the moment, including a baby, you can imagine how busy things will be! But, it is a good busy because we all enjoy it and have good friends involved in the program. Besides, it is always worth it for the kids!!!
Greg is still in Texas and apparently enjoying it. He has been working construction but is trying to finish up completing all his licensing this week to look for an EMT job. We miss him like crazy but are glad he is happy.
The baby is now 4 months old. She has good head control and is beginning to smile. I think she will be pretty high functioning since she is not too far behind developmentally so far. She is a beautiful, chubby baby that is VERY loved around here! She has a second mommy in Jessica, which is also nice for me! :) Things are looking positive for an adoption around November so we are trying to get all our paperwork in order. We can't wait to finalize!
Lacey turned 10 last week and Andrew turns 9 tomorrow. Jessica will be 12 next month. So, the ages at home are: 17, 13, 12, two 10 year olds, 9 and a 4 month old. (Greg is 19). It may sound like a lot, but they are really good, independant kids. I am a lucky mom!
Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
"I don't know how you do it"
I can't sleep because my mind is circling with the thought of how many times I have heard...."I don't know how you do it". I will be honest, I don't know how I do it either. I think that is why I am awake too early this morning trying to figure it out. I don't like the idea that people think I possibly didn't love my daughter as much as they love their kids which couldn't be farther from the truth!!! But, that is what comments like those make you feel like (and I know that is not the intent of them).
In fact, for those of you that know me and knew Faith and I together, we were obsessed with each other! Seriously. There are people in this life that I believe are destined to be together. Some people use the term soul mate. I have to agree with that term, although most people use it to describe their partner in life. I do not believe it has to be your partner. I believe it can be anyone: a parent, a friend, your partner, a child...
I am convinced Faith and I were meant to be together. She was absolutely a soul mate of mine: a person with whom you have an extremely deep connection that was put in your life for a reason. Our connection was the strongest I have ever felt in my life. I guess, in a way, that gives me comfort because it gives me a belief there is a higher power. It gives me the belief that there is something beyond what is here on Earth. It gives me the belief that things do happen for a reason and we have to have Faith in that eventhough it doesn't always make sense.
I have never been one to play the victim role. I think there is always someone out there that has it harder than I do. I do not feel like anything productive can come out of dwelling on the bad things that have happened to us and reliving it over and over. I will be honest that I did that for awhile. Then my counselor asked me if I like being in a painful moment over and over. Of course not! She then walked me through the fact that going back in those painful moments only hurts and does not change anything. If I could have changed something, I would have. If I could have changed places with Faith, I would have done it in a heartbeat. No questions asked. Any parent would. But, obviously I was not given that choice and here I am...
Life is all about choices. I choose to try to primarily think of the happy times with Faith and my mom. I choose to feel extremely lucky and grateful for the time I had... instead of dwelling on the time I don't have. I am choosing to continue to live because, really, what other choice do I have? I choose to try to give my other children a good life and be PRESENT for them. If I continued to allow myself to be "victim" of all the bad things that happened to me, not only would it hurt me, it would hurt them. They don't deserve that.
I will admit it is a struggle everyday, every hour. I have to do a lot of mental work and sometimes it is exhausting. But, I do it because I want Faith to be proud of me. I want Faith to know that I am living my life with love and courage in her honor because that is how she lived. I know she would want me to be good to myself, her father and to her brothers and sisters. I want to hopefully help someone else through my experience. I want to do the best I can so that when I do see her again, she will say "you did good mommy".
In fact, for those of you that know me and knew Faith and I together, we were obsessed with each other! Seriously. There are people in this life that I believe are destined to be together. Some people use the term soul mate. I have to agree with that term, although most people use it to describe their partner in life. I do not believe it has to be your partner. I believe it can be anyone: a parent, a friend, your partner, a child...
I am convinced Faith and I were meant to be together. She was absolutely a soul mate of mine: a person with whom you have an extremely deep connection that was put in your life for a reason. Our connection was the strongest I have ever felt in my life. I guess, in a way, that gives me comfort because it gives me a belief there is a higher power. It gives me the belief that there is something beyond what is here on Earth. It gives me the belief that things do happen for a reason and we have to have Faith in that eventhough it doesn't always make sense.
I have never been one to play the victim role. I think there is always someone out there that has it harder than I do. I do not feel like anything productive can come out of dwelling on the bad things that have happened to us and reliving it over and over. I will be honest that I did that for awhile. Then my counselor asked me if I like being in a painful moment over and over. Of course not! She then walked me through the fact that going back in those painful moments only hurts and does not change anything. If I could have changed something, I would have. If I could have changed places with Faith, I would have done it in a heartbeat. No questions asked. Any parent would. But, obviously I was not given that choice and here I am...
Life is all about choices. I choose to try to primarily think of the happy times with Faith and my mom. I choose to feel extremely lucky and grateful for the time I had... instead of dwelling on the time I don't have. I am choosing to continue to live because, really, what other choice do I have? I choose to try to give my other children a good life and be PRESENT for them. If I continued to allow myself to be "victim" of all the bad things that happened to me, not only would it hurt me, it would hurt them. They don't deserve that.
I will admit it is a struggle everyday, every hour. I have to do a lot of mental work and sometimes it is exhausting. But, I do it because I want Faith to be proud of me. I want Faith to know that I am living my life with love and courage in her honor because that is how she lived. I know she would want me to be good to myself, her father and to her brothers and sisters. I want to hopefully help someone else through my experience. I want to do the best I can so that when I do see her again, she will say "you did good mommy".
Friday, June 25, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Summer
Finally the weather seems to have given us the sunshine we have been waiting for! Summer has arrived and most of my kids are out of school or will be by the end of this week. I am ready for sleeping in a bit and enjoying our pool with family and friends.
Speaking of schools, I have finally made my mind up about what school my kids will go to next year. I am relieved to have made a choice because I have been struggling with this decision for a long time. So, now, all of my kids will go to the Charter school near us and they are very excited. Dominic and Jessica have already been going and love it. Hopefully, Lacey and Andrew will too!
My new little one is doing GREAT. She is such a joy and is a really good baby. She has been sleeping through the night for about a month now and is starting to smile and coo. She is 2 1/2 months old. The other kids adore her and since they are older, are a big help to me. She is definitely going to be one spoiled little girl! :)
My oldest, Greg, moved to Texas. His best friend (since 2nd grade) lives there and he decided to join him. He can complete more schooling in Texas for a lot less than in California. I miss him and it is strange to think he is so far away. However, while he is young and does not have the responsibility of a wife or kids he might as well have new experiences. He just better come back once he gets that wife and kids!!!! lol.
Football/cheer season is approaching and we are starting to get busy with that. I am the cheer coordinator and have been pouring through catalogs trying to pick our uniforms for this year. That is the best part of the job! Monty will be running the snack bar at our home games, so very soon our Saturdays will be extremely busy. I need to buy a baby carrier so I can do my job with baby in tow! Wish me luck.
Enjoy the sunshine.
Shelly
Speaking of schools, I have finally made my mind up about what school my kids will go to next year. I am relieved to have made a choice because I have been struggling with this decision for a long time. So, now, all of my kids will go to the Charter school near us and they are very excited. Dominic and Jessica have already been going and love it. Hopefully, Lacey and Andrew will too!
My new little one is doing GREAT. She is such a joy and is a really good baby. She has been sleeping through the night for about a month now and is starting to smile and coo. She is 2 1/2 months old. The other kids adore her and since they are older, are a big help to me. She is definitely going to be one spoiled little girl! :)
My oldest, Greg, moved to Texas. His best friend (since 2nd grade) lives there and he decided to join him. He can complete more schooling in Texas for a lot less than in California. I miss him and it is strange to think he is so far away. However, while he is young and does not have the responsibility of a wife or kids he might as well have new experiences. He just better come back once he gets that wife and kids!!!! lol.
Football/cheer season is approaching and we are starting to get busy with that. I am the cheer coordinator and have been pouring through catalogs trying to pick our uniforms for this year. That is the best part of the job! Monty will be running the snack bar at our home games, so very soon our Saturdays will be extremely busy. I need to buy a baby carrier so I can do my job with baby in tow! Wish me luck.
Enjoy the sunshine.
Shelly
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Wings
I have officially survived all my firsts since Faith passed away. Yesterday, June 1st, was the day Faith earned her wings. Needless to say, it was an emotional day. It was challenging trying to keep my mind from putting myself back in that horrible moment one year ago. I only want to remember the happy times with her, the laughter, the kisses, the music, the love......
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mothers Day, 2010
I have wonderful children! I am extremely grateful for the children that I have and how special they make me feel. They allowed me to sleep in and continued to ask me throughout the day if I needed anything. They are such loving, selfless human beings who truly want people to be happy without anything in return. That is a quality that is hard to come by now-a-days. I love them so much!!
However, this was my first without Faith. No mother to spoil and no Faith to help brighten my day. A strange mix of happiness for the ones I have and sadness for the ones I have lost. It is hard to fully articulate the emotions of the day. But, I did my best to keep them inside and keep smiling for the rest of my family.
It is almost a year and I will have overcome all my firsts.
However, this was my first without Faith. No mother to spoil and no Faith to help brighten my day. A strange mix of happiness for the ones I have and sadness for the ones I have lost. It is hard to fully articulate the emotions of the day. But, I did my best to keep them inside and keep smiling for the rest of my family.
It is almost a year and I will have overcome all my firsts.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Miss you still.........always
Even though I have this new, amazing addition to our family.....I still miss Faith just as strongly(maybe even more so, if that is actually possible). Faith loved babies and I can hear her voice, filled with excitement, about our new one. She would have been such a sweet big sister. Even during her final days, when she would hear a baby cry in the hospital, her brow would crease in concern. I would have to whisper in her ear that the baby was ok and stroke her brow to calm her down. That was the beautiful spirit of my Faith. She had her own concerns, but still was able to feel beyond herself into the anguish of another.
We are almost to our year mark and I am flooded with memories. My main thing right now, though, is wishing I could hold her. Maybe it is getting to hold this new one that conjures up those thoughts. I am not sure. But, I still remember what it was like to hold her. I can still bring up those memories of how she felt and how she smelled and I sure hope that never goes away!
Dominic, Jessica and Andrew are at a children's grief camp this weekend. It is specifically for children that have experienced a significant loss. It sounds like they have a great program of mixing fun with sharing memories and I hope they enjoy it. I hope they will benefit from this experience.
Sending love your way my Faith. Mommy loves you.
We are almost to our year mark and I am flooded with memories. My main thing right now, though, is wishing I could hold her. Maybe it is getting to hold this new one that conjures up those thoughts. I am not sure. But, I still remember what it was like to hold her. I can still bring up those memories of how she felt and how she smelled and I sure hope that never goes away!
Dominic, Jessica and Andrew are at a children's grief camp this weekend. It is specifically for children that have experienced a significant loss. It sounds like they have a great program of mixing fun with sharing memories and I hope they enjoy it. I hope they will benefit from this experience.
Sending love your way my Faith. Mommy loves you.
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